Tears for My Mother

Mother's Day has never been one of my favorite holidays. Since I was young, my mom has been in and out of my life. Now that I'm grown, I can look back and know that the best gift she ever gave me and my brother was to give custody of us to my grandparents. There aren't enough words to describe the beauty of my grandmother's heart. I'll never forget doing 'boy stuff' with my grandfather and the lessons he taught me.

I couldn't fathom as a child all of the obstacles my mom had to face. From the outside in, it almost doesn't make sense... She came from a great family, she's intelligent, pretty and talented. I have seen my mom as an insurance adjuster, sales representative, truck driver, cosmetologist, and a nurse's aide. You name it, she can probably do it. But talent doesn't stand a chance when your controlled by an addiction.

The dynamic of our relationship has changed a little over the years. Now when I talk to her, it's not with pain, it's with hope. She still struggles in her walk, (don't we all sometimes?), but she's come a long way and she's still trying. Now that I'm a mother of 3, I understand the pressure of that responsibility. How one bad decision can turn your life upside down. I want her to understand and believe that I get it and I have forgiven her.

With Mother's Day tomorrow, I've been thinking about what to give her as a present. Maybe write her a poem, or fill up a photo album with pictures of her grandbabies. But the one thing on my heart is forgiveness. True forgiveness. Being able to tell her that I'm okay and I'm not mad. I wish I could help in some way.... So my gift this year will be my extended heart and hand. And maybe that photo album too!!

Happy Mother's Day!!